So the Kaperwienie stupidity virus has begun spreading. Or perhaps it just a group of fellow athletes not wanting one of their own looking so vile by himself. In any case, Broncos linebacker Brandon Marshall Seattle Reign midfielder and bitter homersexual Megan Rapinoe and Seattle Seahawks defensive back Jeremy Lane have jumped on the “I want everyone to know just how devoted to lies I am” bandwagon. In view of their “concern” over the treatment of people of color in America I have decided to help them. Perhaps these juvenile social justice pimps can send these out as reminders to all their oppressors.
The Colon Kaperwienie Social Justice Bobble Head Doll
Show your support for oppressed people everywhere with the amazing Colon Kaperwienie Social Justice Bobble Head doll.
Each rare collectors doll (production limited to 500,000) comes complete with all this;
An oppression busting social justice helmet that doubles as an ashtray!
A massive steel wool afro that doubles as a convenient mini pot scrubber!
A custom made, hand signed pink toilet paper jersey! (Washing not recommended)
A pair of white, organic cotton socks adorned with pigs wearing police hats. (All pigs are white except for one token black and one token hispanic. Token Native American pigs available for an additional fee.)
And a genuine moslem wire brush beard perfect for itching those hard to reach places!
(Beard and socks are removable for those rare times normal people actually visit you)
And that’s not all!
Reach down between his platinum plated cheeks and pull the brass ring to hear such treasured social justice phrases as:
“I’m half black and you’re a racist!”
“Support oppressed people everywhere, Viva Castro!”
“I’m famous, you’re not!”
“My tattoos prove I’m an oppressed black man!”
“My millions of dollars are none of your business!”
And every true social justice warriors favorite;
“Black bowel movements matter!”
Isn’t this an amazing offer? Well, we’re not done yet!
Act now and we will throw in a free moslem girlfriend Bobble Head doll, complete with see through burkini, with each order! (Additional moslem girlfriend Bobble Head dolls available separately for $9.99 each plus shipping and handling)
But wait, there’s more!
Guilty white liberals can purchase this priceless piece of posterior history for only $39.99 plus a 50% guilt tax and $9.99 shipping and handling.
Black bowel movement matter members (must show proof of recent arrest by a white police officer) can purchase this oppression busting monument to social justice for $29.99 with free shipping and handling.
That’s a great deal!
But wait, there’s more!
The first five million callers will get a genuine pink social justice tutu that perfectly fits your Colon Kaperwienie Social Justice Bobble Head doll. Don’t wait any longer!
Call 1-800-RACE-BAITER and order a Colon Kaperwienie Social Justice Bobble Head doll (and moslem girlfriend doll) for you and all of your socially conscious friends!
They make great holiday gifts!
Operators, Jackson and Sharpton, are anxiously waiting (send cash only, they will happily make change) to take your order!