You Might Be A Liberal If…..

 

For nearly thirty years liberals have had near total control of the public education system. In that time they have been able to, with the help of a compliant media and sycophant politicians, create a false narrative about what it means to be a conservative and what it means to be a liberal. In an effort to help folks understand the difference between liberals/progressives and normal people I have created a list of possible warning signs that may occur prior to the onset of the dementia known as liberalism. Sometimes, in an effort to disguise their illness those afflicted with liberalism will diagnose themselves as progressives. Understand that this is merely an attempt by someone who knows they are afflicted trying to deny the affliction. Some of the following observations are funny, some are not and some are just plain sad. I take no credit for any of these symptoms (even the ones I think I came up with on my own) as I have doubtlessly recreated something someone said somewhere. That said, I am not a doctor and I don’t play one on TV so I don’t intend this to be a diagnostic tool but if you find yourself in sympathy with four or more of these statements I would suggest getting some professional, conservative education as soon as possible.

If you believe a black man robbing a liquor store is just expressing his civil rights, you might be a liberal. (Or belong to Black Lives Matter More Than Yours)

If you are so offended by religion that only a check can make you feel better, you might be a liberal. (Or have a degree in how to wear ascots at social functions)

If you think the best way to plan for parenthood is to kill your baby before it’s born, you might be a liberal. (Or a progressive female)

If you think the sailor in Chattanooga who fired his personal weapon at the jihadi terrorist trying to kill him should be court martialed, you might be a liberal. (Or a muslim/gun control whacko)

If your idea of a classic car is a 1997 Prius, you might be a liberal. (Or own stock in the electric company)

If you believe nuclear power in America is bad but nuclear power in Iran isn’t, you might be a liberal. (Or believe The China Syndrome was a documentary)

If you have a college vocabulary and a grade school mentality, you might be a liberal. (Or a tenured Ivy League professor)

If you spend your welfare check on pot, you might be a liberal. (Or California resident)

If you know what a Metro-sexual is, you may be a liberal. (If you have embraced your Metro-sexualism you may already be beyond help)

If you’re one of the three people who watch MSNBC, you might be a liberal. (Or someone not working three part time jobs thanks to O’bamacare)

If you’ve combed through your address book looking for a black/gay/transgender person to invite to your daughter’s wedding, you might be a liberal. (Or just desperately seeking politically correct approval)

If you know who Ed Shultz is, you might be a liberal. (And have far too much time on your hands)

If you know “what” Bruce Jenner is, you might be a liberal. (Or the afore mentioned Metro-sexual)

If you want to ban Christmas from the public square but demand prayer rooms for Muslims in public schools, you might be a liberal. (Or as the muslims call you, a useful idiot)

If you think Miley Cirus is normal, you might be a liberal. (Or a pervert)

If you think rap is music, you might be a liberal. (Or just deaf)

If you think Planned Parenthood has anything to do with planning for parenthood, you might be a liberal. (Or a frontal lobotomy survivor)

If Cecil the lion is more important to you than 50 million aborted children, you might be a liberal. (Or believe that animals have the right to vote, which come to think of it, may explain the last two presidential elections)

If you know all 52 genders, you may be a liberal. (Or a recent Ivy League College graduate)

If you think black lives matter but Planned Parenthood should be left alone, you might be a liberal. (Or closely related to Dr. Joseph Mengele)

If your idea of an intelligent protest is to walk around campus with a mattress tied to your back, you might be a liberal. (Or a “working” girl/guy doing some free advertising)

If you can’t wait to move to Seattle, you might be a liberal. (A note of caution here as the Seahawks are a pretty darn good NFL team and are likely to attract some perfectly normal people to the socialist workers paradise of Seattle.)

If you think the function of UNICEF is to feed starving children, you might be a liberal. (Or a just a well fed power hungry fellow bureaucrat)

If you cannot understand why Russell Wilson wants to wait until he is married to have sex with his girlfriend, you might be a liberal. (Or a voyeur)

If you’ve ever tried to pay for your global warming tattoo with an EBT card, you might be a liberal. (Or a resident of Colorado)

If you think 18 trillion dollars of debt is nothing to worry about, you might be a liberal. (Or an elected democratic)

If you feel the need to apologize for saying “All Lives Matter,” you may be a liberal. (Or feeling guilty for things that happened 160 years ago)

If you oppose charter schools for poor kids but send your own children to private schools, you may be a liberal. (Or a rich democrat)

If you support open borders but live in a gated community, you may be a liberal. (Or Bill Gates)

If you think Michael Moore actually makes documentaries, you might be a liberal. (Or a recent college graduate)

If your idea of tolerance is to “give people space” to riot, you might be a liberal. (Or a democrat city prosecutor)

If you can give directions without using your hands, you might be a liberal. (Or be dead)

If you support higher taxes but have directed your own trust fund to buy only tax-free municipal bonds, you might be a liberal. (Or a democratic party campaign contribution bundler)

If you believe that voter fraud is a myth, you might be a liberal. (Or a democratic party advisor)

If you went to an adoption agency and asked for a gay baby, you might be a liberal. (Or just plain stupid)

If you believe that police including a suspects race in their description is racist, you might be a liberal. (Or a newspaper editor)

If you believe the coldest, snowiest winter on record is caused by global warming, you might be a liberal. (Or have abandoned reason by memorizing Al Gores book)

If you believe that felons and illegal aliens should be allowed to vote but soldiers stationed overseas should have their votes ignored, you might be a liberal. (Or a card carrying lifetime member of the DNC)

If you believe in taking guns from law-abiding citizens but not inner city gang members, you might be a liberal. (Or a member of the ACLU)

If you believe the Clintons were broke when they left the White House, you might be a liberal. (Or be a part owner of the Brooklyn Bridge)

If you worship Mother Earth while “denying” other mainstream religions, you might be a liberal. (Or have ingested one to many “natural” substances)

If you think the United Nations does anything outside of enriching its bureaucrats, you might be a liberal. (Or a tin plated dictator wannabe)

If you support Obamacare for everyone else but are upset when you have give up your own health insurance plan, you might be a liberal. (Or a victim of the vast right wing conspiracy)

If you think having multiple affairs and sexual harassment allegations lodged against you are a resume enhancement, you might be a liberal. (Or Bill Clinton)

If you believe that George Stephanopoulos and Brian Williams are actually journalists, you might be a liberal. (Or just have a broken BS meter)

If you believe Elizabeth Warren is a Native American, you might be a liberal. (Or think “Fauxocahontas” is her real Indian name)

If you believe that operation Fast and Furious was left over from the Bush administration, you might be a liberal. (Or you may still be living in moms basement and think dial up is the latest technology)

If you’ve ever used the word meme in casual conversation, you might be a liberal. (Or in the advanced stages of terminal Liberalism)

If you hate smokers but cheerfully spend the money they pay in cigarette taxes, you might be a liberal. (Or just a whiny brat intent on proving you’re more compassionate with other peoples money than they are)

If you don’t know anyone with more than one child, you might be a liberal. (Or live in China)

If you think Barack Obama actually did something besides getting elected to deserve his Nobel Peace Prize, you might be a liberal. (A note of caution here, he did write two autobiographies before he actually accomplished anything aside from a senate election)

If you think about God as a her, you might be a liberal. (Or someone who has never read the Bible)

If you belong to a church that has to vote every year on which parts of the Bible to believe in, you might be a liberal. (Or you might be in the early stages of terminal multiculturalism)

If you have ever attended a candlelight vigil to protest the hoax of the week, you might be a liberal. (Or just don’t do well when reality asserts itself in your life)

If you think there is no such thing as muslim rape gangs, you might be a liberal. (Or a member of CAIR)

If you use the word undocumented as something other than a punch line for a joke, you might be a liberal. (Or a mainstream journalist)

If you still believe anything Ted Danson has ever said about “global warming”, you might be a liberal. (Or have watched one to many episodes of CSI)

If the only kind of gun you will tolerate is for caulking, you might be a liberal. (Or a professional victim)

If you don’t flinch at least just a little bit when a man introduces another man as his “husband,” you might be a liberal. (Or simply don’t know what a real man is)

If you know the name Frank Marshall Davis, you might be a liberal. (Or believe that Stalin was an agrarian reformer)

If you’ve ever watched an American war movie and rooted for the bad guys, you might be a liberal. (Or just plain stupid)

If you send your kid to a public high school that calls itself an “Academy,” you might be a liberal. (Or still in your seventh year of college)

If you have already scolded someone for calling Bruce Jenner “Bruce Jenner,” you might be a liberal. (Or an expert on political correctness)

If you have Michael Brown’s birthday circled in your planner, you might be a liberal. (Or a frequent contributor to the SPLC)

If your idea of expressing compassion after a tragedy is to call in Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton, you might be a liberal. (Or a race hustling poverty pimp)

If your kid has to wear a helmet to play on a jungle gym, you might be a liberal. (Or spend too much time on the Center for Science in the Public Interest website)

If you brag about your compost pile, you just might be a liberal. (Or have spent just a little too much quality time with your garbage)

If you live in an apartment and have a compost pile, you might be a liberal. (And you probably have no friends)

If you missed a family event to see the first midnight showing of “Selma,” you might be a liberal. (Or be related to Rachael Dolezal)

If you’ve ever thought or said out loud “I don’t mind paying taxes,” you might be a liberal. (Or on welfare)

If you insist on pronouncing Nicaragua with an accent, you might be a liberal. (Or a pompous twit)

If you use the f-word to describe love making, you might be a liberal. (Or a public school victim)

If you insist on calling yourself a progressive, you might a liberal. (Or just embarrassed by the stupidity of your liberal friends)

If you think people who protest embryonic stem-cell research are stupid but refuse to eat GMOs, you might be a liberal. (Or someone who knows that the “science” on GMO’s has been settled)

If you want to ban all guns except for those carried by your private security, you might be a liberal. (Or a loud, foul mouthed TV personality)

If you are against school vouchers for public school students but your kids go to a private school, you might be a liberal. (Or a Kenyan impersonating a US president)

If you “self identify” as a lesbian but secretly like men, you just might be a liberal. (Or a regular watcher of “The View”)

If you believe marriage is obsolete except for homosexuals, you might be a liberal. (Or the mayor of Houston)

If you think teenagers are not smart enough to handle sodas but you are willing to give them condoms and IUD’s, you might be a liberal. (Or a pedophile in recruiting mode)

If you deny women are stoned to death in islamic countries for having sex outside of marriage (being raped), you might be a liberal. (Or a muslim apologist/rapist/useful idiot)

If you think the death penalty is acceptable for an unborn child but not a mass murderer, you might be a liberal. (Or a fan of Charles Manson)

If you actually understand Common Core math, you might be a liberal. (Or mentally deranged)

If you think one of the worst violators of human rights in the world deserves to head the U.N. Human Rights Commission, you might be a liberal. (Or believe that being tortured is a human right)

If your idea of tolerance is giving “sanctuary” to illegal alien murderers, rapists and child molesters, you might be a liberal. (Or the Mayor of San Francisco)

If you think people who are terrified of something they (Atheists) don’t believe exists are rational, you might be a liberal. (Or have had a recent conversation with Charles Darwin)

Finally, if you actually believe banning the Confederate flag and removing Confederate monuments will achieve racial harmony, you may be to stupid to reason with.
I hate to say it but this list could go on for another several hundred pages. Liberals and progressives make it that easy. I think by now you, dear reader, are getting the idea of how liberals view the world. It is a uniquely odd way of life liberals have chosen. Today’s liberal/progressive views truth as a relative thing subject to nothing but their own intentions, definitions and feelings. Their idea of tolerance is beyond reason given the amount of time and money spent to “help” the poor and the levels of crime they are willing to tolerate to demonstrate their “compassion.” Their worship of a clearly perpetrated hoax (global warming, proven a hoax by their own emails) demonstrates beyond a doubt their derision of actual science. Despite all of this it is incumbent on us conservatives to remind liberals/progressives at every opportunity about the nature of their affliction. Liberalism is a self-feeding state of delusion that denies its victims the opportunity to live a fulfilling life of true meaning and accomplishment because it requires them to obtain the approval of those they have set as the arbiters of right and wrong. For far to many liberals/progressives happiness comes not from within but from approved outside sources. Some argue for a cautious, baby step approach to curing liberalism. I do not believe that approach can have any long lasting success. I prefer the tough love approach. Be bold, be patient, be accurate, be kind but most of all be relentless in your education of liberals. No matter what defense the liberal/progressive may attempt the truth is the conservatives ally. When engaged with a liberal/progressive remember this maxim, never give up, never surrender!

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “You Might Be A Liberal If…..

  1. ‘(Or belong to Black Lives Matter More Than Yours)’

    That made me laugh! Its the perfect description.

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